So I am back from a great vacation and I had a wonderful time. We got home late and flew into seattle and then had to drive home in the pissing rain with my broken wind shield wiper… talk about stress!! Now I am not going into detail about my trip because last night was a nightmare and I feel as though I should be sharing it. I came home at about 1:00 am and couldnt sleep because I was so wired and happy to be home. I normally take a large amount of sleeping pills because I have issues with nightmares and waking up in my sleep screaming because of them. Now being the idiot that I am I decided to take 5 extra strength sleeping pills…. something I have done for about 5 or 6 years. Yes thats an addiction. After taking the pills I was laying in bed when it felt as though my heart had done a flutter and stopped completely. After that it felt as though it started beating a mile a minute and I jumped out of my bed and stood up only to feel a burning in my chest and numbness up the back of my neck and both my hands and the top of my head were numb. By this time is was 4:30 am and my parents were up because my dad had to work. Honeslty I knew I was Over dosing and ran down the stairs and screamed at my parents to call 911. My dad took me outside and all I could say over and over again while my mom was on the phone with 911 was HURRY… HURRY. I kept saying dad, dad, dad help me… hurry! I dont remember much after that except when the fire truck came and 5 men walked in with all the gadgets along with the ambulance. By this time it had started to settle and I was able to breathe again with full breaths. THe nurse took my blood pressure and it was 171 when it should be under 100. Right away they took me to emergency and rolled me in to 5 other doctors waiting at the door for me when I got there. They hooked me up right away and I have never been so scared in my life. My mom and dad followed the ambulance to the hospital but werent allowed in until I finally stabilized.
THe doctors were pounding me with suicide questions which I was no where even thinking of trying to hurt myself but didnt want to tell them that I have been taking those for 6 years because I thought they would throw me in the padded wall room. I stayed in the intensive care unit for a good 3 hours before they moved my into the regular emergency side so my parents and brother could see me. I asked my mom what they were saying and she had told me that they classed me as an OD (over dose). After a while my heart was still racing so they pumped me with drugs to absorb the sleeping pills and kept me there till 10:00 am when I decided to leave against their advice. I had to sign out a waiver to say that the doctor didnt want me to leave but I was leaving anyways. I just got back from Hawaii and had been up for over 24 hours and wanted the hell out of that place. I know I wasnt in good shape before but I know my body and I was soooo ready to go home. My mom was mad at me but I didnt care I just wanted out. I came home and slept like a baby.
So needless to say I gave myself the biggest scare I have ever had. For me to walk downstairs and right away say I cant breathe call 911 NOW HURRY!!! THen walking outside and all I could do was say one or two words while my Dad held me up and I held onto him for my life. I didnt want to say to him that I thought I was dying… but afterwards he told me he knew that was what I was thinking and so did he. I am making a promise to myself and my family that this kind of thing is stopping here on out. I have never been so scared in my life and today when I woke up after sleeping I was happier then a clam because I was just simply alive. I thought that was it and my heart and kidneys had finally given up on me. The doctor said that those pills can kill my kidneys after using those and taking so many. Little did he know was how long I have been using them. This is it though… that was the scare I needed I think because I never want that to happen again. I would rather go with no sleep then have that ever happen again. The saddest thing is that I was so scared of the airplane ride home and dying that way only to come home and OD on sleeping pills in front of both of my loving parents. If I was that scared I can only imagine what was going through their heads. The look on my Mom’s face when she saw me like that scares me and still make me cry now to think about what I could’ve done to them last night if they had lost me. Im turning it around and the reason I am puttin this out there is because if others know about my issue I really dont have a choice of being a sleeping pill addict anymore. There is a lot of shame that goes with addiction and I have my work cut out for me with a long road a head of me, but Im so ready to get the help now. I have kicked other addictions far beyond this one and I’m pushing myself to now get me help for this one.
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