I Don't Wanna Be An Addict

I don’t wanna be an addict,

but the rush feels so good.

As I pull on the pipe,

the pipe pulls me.

I fall into a hopeless trap,

trying desperately but failing,

to duplicate the first high.

Money wasted, gone on the drus.

Damn there were so many other things

I could have bought instead.

Priorities shifted downward,

my family and me come last.

I don’t wanna be an addict.

But the rush feels so good.

My brain is frying, I  know.

Cells drying up but I can’t

think of that now.

As I climb to get the highest euphoria.

The higher I go, my body is changing.

I don’t bathe or brush my teeth.

My hair stays uncombed and my clothes,

dirty from overwear.

I don’t want no sex, just more drugs.

I don’t wanna be an addict.

Please God, help me beat this monkey.

I’m searching my pockets for a 20 dollar bill.

All I need is one more hit.

Why is my body trembling.

Involuntary convulsions.

When I talk, no one listens.

The hole for myself gets deeper and deeper.

I don’t wanna be an addict.

I keep saying I’ll quit while I’m broke.

Soon as I get money i starts all over again.

When I think I got  this thing beat,

a friend comes over with plenty in his pocket.

It starts all over again,

a vicious cycle of addiction.

It goes so fast ’cause I’m so greedy.

I don’t wanna be an addict.

written by Joan Farley Nyobe