Advice to my Younger Self

I’ve often thought recently about what would have happened if my current self had been able to travel back in time twenty years and have an encounter with my 18 year old self. Would I even recognize me in the future? What would my first impression have been of how I turned out? Would my initial reaction be that I had stayed true to everything that I had said that I would *never* change in 1988 and still turned out bitchin’?

What would my current self have thought of the distorted reflection of my former incarnation? Memories are a subjective experience, and all experiences are subjective impressions of internal and external sensory input. Would I, for the first time being able to confront who I was, look at myself in the past as a sorry wreck or just a confused young man? Would I have said, “Man, I was beyond unhealthy back then.” Well, it’s kind of hard to avoid when you’re ingesting every drug you can get your hands on, and as a matter of pride, you’re trying to be the best at that too; banging different girls just for a place to stay and something to eat.

Although I know that Jackhammer 1988 would have ben in no condition to listen to Frisky Boy 2009 and take his advice as something he could apply practically, I would still have something to say. I would have definitely said, break it off with that girl you’re seeing right now, there’s too much drama involved. I also would have questioned, why did you ditch school already? You really have a gift that most people don’t have, why piss it away? I’m sure at this point, younger me would think I turned out to be a rather square cat, who foolishly stopped smoking weed and just didn’t understand what it was to be in love.

In a way, diverting my younger self from this path of temporary self-destruction would have affected a lot of other positive paths that came a few years later, only because I hit pretty close to rock bottom and had to make some serious changes. A lot of learning experiences would not have been fully internalized (I’m a stubborn one), but who knows what people I would have never even come close to meeting had I gone the productive route right away?

I don’t live with regret anymore, not even for a minute. The journey is the grand adventure, not just reaching the goal.

I’m sure in many ways, younger me would still look up to current me and wonder how he could get there quicker. Both of us still have no desire to live completely inside the rules of society. We both cannot conform to the homogenous way of thinking, and we both look like the rebellious type. Part of younger me lives on, he is just wiser and more acclamated to the ins and outs of the real worlds. In the end, I would want to mentor young me, and teach him all that he would listen to; and younger me could remind me of how much has always been there from the start, integrated into the very  essence of my being.