Try as I might...

I'll take blood for $200 Alex

Try as I might there are things I just can’t put out of my head….people, places and things….try as I might I can’t get into the fluff, my mind prefers to stick to the dark stuff….but I can’t focus on fluff right now, the pain won’t let me…neither will the drugs. There is an intense and irrational thought process, it is fragmented at best, incomprehensible and indescribable at worst. I am wanting to scratch my way out, but it isn’t happening. I feel like burning bridges, more like blowing the damn bridge up.

everything means nothing

The day has been especially long, a consequence of little to no sleep…I want to sleep, I want to sleep for a very long time…and when I wake up, I want to wake up to my old life. The me that just didn’t give a fuck about a lot of things, the me that had little to no use for emotional attachments. I strive for that and as I think of it, I mentally add it to my list…my unwritten mental New Year’s resolutions. 2010 needs to start out better than 2009 ends….and it is ending in a painful way, pretty much how it started, these last couple of years have been pretty much a rollercoaster, complete with long lines, high admission for every ride, lots of ups and downs, dizzying, nauseated and I’m too old for the carnival atmosphere….well I take that last part back, some carnivals can be fun, just not this one.

complete with Rollercoaster, but it don't mean a thing

I’ve got phone calls to make….seems that I’m spending more time on the phone than ever before….but I digress…my aunt wants to come and visit, but flying here is too pricey, she isn’t in any capacity to drive, neither am I, if I was I’d go bring her….she is thinking of doing the bus…but that is 20 hours….I guess where there’s a will, there’s a way…I’ll call her tomorrow, I need to update her on some changes and maybe we can figure something out….