Too Much To Ask For; Too Soon To Ask For It?

Well, I’m sitting here in a kind of mellow mood. I’m thinking of everything right now. I’m thinking of the past hurt that happened to me. I’m thinking of the pain I still feel in my aching heart. I’m thinking of the face that caused me the pain. That face is also the face that get’s me aroused as soon as I see it. My boyfriend, Spence, is my true love. Though he may be stubborn and hesitant, I love him. Whenever I see those beautiful hazel eyes, I feel the butterflies flying around in my stomach. Whenever I see his gorgeous feature, I think of kissing him. Whenever I see his huge arms, I bite my lip-ring so fucking hard that I sometimes drawl blood. I think of him and then I think of us. I think of a future.

I sometimes wonder if what he says is true. I don’t doubt for a moment that he loves me.  But sometimes I ask myself if he is really in love with me. Some of the things he does or says hurts me terribly. But I stick it out as much as I can because I’m madly in love with him. I want to make it to the alter with him. I want a pug and a morbidly obese cat that hates the world. I want scrapbooks and pictures framed on the wall. I want Christmas’ and Thanksgiving’s at our families houses. I want to visit Disney World and road trip to concerts together.

I look at him and I can see us with wedding rings on. I can see us going on gay double dates with our neighbors (whom I love). I can see myself, twenty years from now, still getting hard every time he walks in the room. And I can see myself waking up to pancakes every morning and falling in love over and over again.

So… I’d say, probably this time next year, Spence and I will be moved in together. I’m not trying to jynx myself (knock on wood). I think things will get so much easier when we live together. We’re both just kind of bitter because we live so far away.

So… I’m not a party hearty type of guy. I don’t drink very often. And I have NO tolerence for drugs. And I don’t take well to bullshitters or cheaters. And I can’t stress that enough. I’ve never touched drugs in my life. Never will. Some people think when I turn twenty-one that I will be a big drinking, sort of slutty pot smoking boy who experiments with drugs. Can’t wait to prove those people wrong.

Well, I’m counting down the hours until tomorrow. And the years until I make it to the alter.

TTFN

–

Jeffy

xoxo

[Via http://jeffydylan.wordpress.com]