shit!….a flash of blonde…straight out the elevator and directly at me. for the tiniest fraction of a thought i was fooled but then realized my error. it was just the way she moved that first gave it away. didn’t even need to see her face. memories. strange circumstance put me onto this thought in the first place. the espionage, the confusion, the plan i was acting and formulating in a sorta yin yang kind of balance.
yeah. that’s right. i was driving home in the spring fog one night. must have been at least 1am. the blonde, that i had been partying with for some length of time, now wanted to drive. we’d had a few drinks early in the night but that was at dinner and before the pot and the movie, so i figured no problem she should be fine by now.
we pulled to the shoulder near a gas station and switched positions. that old vw was such a piece of shit and light. 2 door and creamy. but so cheap on gas fuck me. anyhow this blonde takes over the wheel. how the hell did we even end up together again? how long ago? wow it’s such a blur.
as she pulls away and begins to accelerate, paradise city comes on the radio. the guns n roses song. felt kinda good. almost sensual. both of us kinda singing along having fun. we were at the part of the song where it really speeds up when i first noticed my perspective on the situation changing. i was so subtle when the reflections in her window began to twist and contort instead of the usual steady rhythm that is the speed limit. then it hit me. the reflections weren’t changing….we were changing in relation to what could be reflected. very unsettling as your mental and physical senses struggle to achieve kharmany.
i seem to recall rotating in a corkscrew motion, a feeling that turns your gut in on your self. a series of unhinged events. like going down twenty floors in an elevator and doing 360s the entire way. i saw a post rotate around the door window. then nothing. nothing to see. nothing to hear. nothing to feel. only sirens. that’s it. next thing i know im awake in my bed alone? very lonely. the empty feeling of consciously becoming aware of a dream. when the beauty of surreal fades from focus.
getting up i walked through the dining room. coffee i recall thinking. i wanted coffee. so focussed on my caffeine needs i didn’t even see the card house built on the dining table until i bumped the chair and watched the cards cascading down. sliding in all directions on the table and floor. i thought about cleaning up the mess, but then felt fine after just looking at it for a moment. thank christ i bought that 3 minute Tim’s coffee maker. i couldn’t wait much longer and still didn’t wait till the pot was full to grab a cup.
Jack. goddamn it was Jack. i had gone outside with a coffee and smokes and started talking to Jack. he put me on to this. he was waiting for me on the platform outside his house. sitting there. bright-eyed and alert. you could just see that he had something to say.
he didn’t seem to know what i was talking about regarding the night before. and it didn’t seem to matter at that point. not until i caught this flash of blonde now had it even occurred to me. fuck what did Jack and i talk about? who was that blonde? was she important? jesus im confused right now.
i stepped out of the elevator and went outside for the smoke i was craving. cloudy afternoon. very grey skies but no rain. just more melting. the concrete blended into the buildings which in turn offered little contrast to the vast overhead view. a short filthy little man with a scruffy face caught my eye now. he looked like he belonged under a bridge. a winter hat of some sort that flapped over his ears and rose to a point above his head. almost pontifical. sitting on the sidewalk curb wearing defeat from head to toe.
“how’s it going brother?” i knowingly asked and offered him a smoke which he took with a shrug and raised eyebrows.
after only a few moments he painfully stated “i gotta figure this out”. “get myself back on track”.
i stood silently for a few seconds staring at the symbol of double snakes around the staff that was so prominent on both sides of the doorway across the street. the place had the feel of a college town with the narrow streets and trees growing out of sidewalks on the fully used real estate. ”how do you mean” i finally asked softly.
“the truth” he said ” i gotta find the truth”.
“what kind of truth?”
“the real truth man. i saw it before. and i need to work it out so i can get myself back on track”
he was shaking his head in opposition to something. wrong thinking maybe. focus issues. i was curious. this man clearly knew something i didn’t. i wanted to know more so i apologized “im sorry, im not sure i follow you”.
a soft hippie kinda of voice with a child’s innocence like his can be very compelling when it starts to stretch out to you. “way back man, when the 7 balls and the 7 brothers were in the sky. i was there when they took seeds from the whale and put them into the next ball. the sun. i was there. i had to fight a dragon. there in the whale. i was there. the trees were straight then”.
jesus what the fuck does talk like that even mean. doesn’t make any sense to me but it never felt out of context. Jack had said something about straight trees? i thought he just meant poles and didn’t know the word for them. twelve of them i think he said. whatever no mind right now. the little bearded man was talking again.
“you get it now man” he nodded at me. “i gotta use that knowledge and get myself back on track” he illustrated his point by waving his fingers in a circular blessing kind of move.
“sorry brother im a pretty free-thinker myself but im not sure im gettin it all”
he continued nodding and added a shrug. pulled himself up off of the curb and wandered off into the shadows. im sure just to find a smoke someone put out prematurely.
hm maybe a coffee will wake me up and get me back on path. remember what the purpose of all this investigation is. must have been that accident. i’ve heard stories about things like this. i mean i know who i am and everything. it’s not like i got amnesia. im just not sure why i feel the need to investigate this monstrosity so badly. but it does feel like something of the heart of the matter lay within these walls in their odd and awkward arrangements. shouldn’t be too hard to find a cup around here so off i went.
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